Technoships and Relationships

I was introduced to two Ryan Binghams today. One was a fictional character from the movie Up in the Air and the other is an alternative country singer. After seeing Ryan Bingham from Up in the Air, I was pretty sure I wanted to write something about how human nature and personal relationships are suffering because of our tech-obsessed world. Then because of technology I was exposed to Ryan Bingham the musician. Call it serendipitous that I googled and fandangoed both of them in one day.

So here is the conundrum, does technology bring us closer or further away from others? True Facebook keeps me connected to high school and college classmates that I might otherwise never speak to. But maybe we’re not supposed to stay that connected. With so many connections it’s easy to lose perspective on our own lives and happiness. We are overexposed to pictures of people’s kids, husbands, wives, houses, cars, and dogs. We read hundreds of tweets and updates about everything from where and what people are eating, to how many babies they are having, and how much weight someone lost or found. I myself have tweeted about having to look at someone’s gunt and posted pictures of the dinner I was eating. It’s overwhelming and difficult to balance your sense of wellbeing, when you are being inundated with all these images. If keeping up with the Jones’ wasn’t hard enough, keeping up with everyone you ever graduated with is absolutely exhausting!

On the other hand, it is because of technology that I was able to connect from watching a trailer of the movie Crazy Heart, liking the song from the trailer, googling it, finding the artist, plugging him into Rhapsody, where I enjoyed his entire catalog of albums. I then posted a link on my facebook telling all my friends to check out Ryan Bingham. Certainly in this case technology brought Ryan Bingham and me a lot closer. But while I was busy with that, I was ignoring Dave, the person in the kitchen with me.

Which makes me wonder how often I give 100% of my attention to anything or anyone anymore. Even as I write this blog, I am listening to music, and screening a cell phone call. Thich Nhat Hanh writes, “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” How can we possibly stay mindful in this day and age? Certainly this practice was much easier before Iphones, Blackberrys, and Facebook. We might not have had as many relationships, but perhaps we could give our full attention to the ones we had.

In the end, I believe that technology creates more connections and technoships, but I am not sure it fabricates real relationships. These are made through long dinners with great glasses of wine, walks in the fall, late night adventures, road trips, laughing till you cry, and holding someone while they sob. Technoships are held together by comments posted below a picture, rushed written greetings, voyeurism, and virtual bouquets of flowers. Nothing can take the place of being physically, mentally, and emotionally there for someone.

So while I enjoy listening to Ryan Bingham’s music coming from my laptop, and I find myself recalling certain scenes from Up in the Air, a movie I saw on a huge screen, in surround sound, with high definition technology. The best part of my day was waking up next to Dave, petting my dog, and eating a delicious dinner, all real, tangible, wonderful moments.

I will now proofread and post this on my blog, Facebook, and Twitter account. As a result technology can once again create connections, but hopefully we will find the time to strengthen our relationships with those in the same room as us.

http://www.theupintheairmovie.com/

http://www.binghammusic.com/

Where is that Pesky Voice?

My New Year’s resolution is to write something every day. However, there are a few obstacles to this, simply the pace of my life for starters and my lack of any real knowledge about writing. I don’t just want to write, I want to create something eventually worth reading. I have an inextinguishable desire to share my thoughts with others. It eats at me all the time. It drives me to talk a mile a minute to anyone who will listen. I break into conversations, forget to listen to what people are saying, and speak really loudly. I have something to say! But what is it?

Over holiday break I was telling my family my desire to find my voice as a writer. I laughed and said, “ I hope when I do find my voice it sounds like David Sedaris.” I admire his openness, his humor, and his ability to start a story off as if he is the most unique person in the world and then to sum it up with his ordinariness. This contradiction, I believe, is something that is present in all of us, the idea that we are unique hiding the underlying truth that we are not. But my voice is not David Sedaris’. I don’t know what it is, but I want to find out, so I googled it.

You can google anything! I found in article that tells you how to find your voice in 5 simple steps! It’s titled, How to Find Your Voice as a Writer, the author is unknown. Here are the five steps.

Step 1
Explore yourself. Work through what you feel and think about things, what you went through as a child, the people who hurt and helped you throughout your life. By doing this, your natural voice will show through in your writing. The best guide for this kind of exploration is Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way."

Explore yourself. I have been in some form of counseling for the past ten years. I have been “exploring” myself for a decade. I have discussed my childhood, teen years, family, friendships, boyfriends, life, thoughts, habits, etc. for the past ten years. I feel I have thoroughly put the foundation down for Step 1.

Step 2
Read the great writers. Start with anthologies like "The Best American Essays" and "The Best American Short Stories," which come out annually. Read nonfiction to get the unmediated writer's voice. In fiction, identify some of the narrator's traits that influence how they are telling the story.

Yikes! Yes I do read. But I don’t know if I read enough. I estimate that I read four hours weekly. The topics generally have to do with counseling, self-help, marketing, and business. I do not usually enjoy fiction, unless it is that heavy fiction that makes you think existential thoughts about yourself and generally only find something interesting if it applies to my current goals in life. Like I said, I got Step 1 down. Another problem is time. If I am reading in the little free time I have, how will I have time to write? However, after thinking on this for a bit, I believe that it is not so bad. I don’t want to write a fiction story. I am a confessionalist by nature, I want to confess to people, knowing myself is probably the most important piece to that desire. So perhaps I have Step 2 down too.

Step 3
Practice your voice through writing exercises. Keep a journal and explore different techniques for discovering things about yourself. Search Amazon.com for "writing exercises" to get a wide selection of books or do the daily writing prompt at Writer's Digest.

Daily writing prompts at Writer’s Digest, check. I went to their website and subscribed to their daily writing prompts. They are interesting exercises, and I look forward to toying with them in the future. Journal writing on the other hand is a little tricky. When I was younger and suffering as only a woman in late adolescence can suffer, keeping a journal was a piece of cake for me. It took no effort to fill the pages with all the agony that I was inviting into my life. I needed those journals, because I had to document all that pain. Now I find myself in a beautiful place, little pain, and the urgency in which I use to write in my journals has completely dissipated. I guess misery leads to action. This is merely an obstacle I will have to overcome. A new journal with a pen will be placed by my bed and I will make sure to find fresh ways to make it part of my life again.

Step 4
Write short stories, essays, articles, poetry, monologues, even blog entries. Each written form forces you to explore a different aspect of your voice. It's especially beneficial to stretch your comfort zone. The forms you're most uncomfortable with can, with practice, lead to insights about how you want to express yourself.

Yuck! Sorry Step 4, I will not be following you. Well this was my first thought but with further inspection I may already do this. I write a monthly newsletter for my store, so I guess I do write articles. I have a history of attempting to write pathetic poetry, and hell I even write this blog. So maybe Step 4 is not so bad after all. I just need to widen my genre and write more.

Step 5
Explore your narrator in your fiction. Have them write a letter of introduction to your reader and be mindful of the intrusion of your writer's voice. Especially let them say all the things you would never say or don't want them to say. Even if you don't use the material, you'll know your narrator's voice better.

Step 5 is a little difficult for me to do, considering I have not written anything that would require a narrator. Step 5 will have to wait to I actually write some fiction and then I will add it to one of my new, nightly, self-appointed, journal assignments.

That was all of them, five easy steps to help me find my voice as a writer. Surprisingly, I have found that I have already done most of these steps and still I do not think I have a unique voice in which to write with. Furthermore, if I was being honest, I don’t even know what “finding your voice as a writer” means. I have always been a unique individual; self-reflection is one of the staples of my spare time. I don’t think I have to find my voice as a writer; I need to learn how to get it onto paper. I’ll have to google that next.