Miss Peanut Ponders Chinese Adoption

Ever since I learned in junior high, that in China, female children are not valued or desired, I had an impulse to adopt one. I don't know why or where this inclination came from, probably my feminist beliefs, but when I think of my future with a child, I never imagine that it will pass through my body. Instead, I picture her as a Chinese baby girl. 

However, "my impulse" would have to change to "Dave and I's dedication" if this was truly going to happen. The Chinese government has very strict international adoption laws.  

These requirements are...

 

·       Married couples age 30 to 50 years are eligible to adopt a healthy child; couples age 50 to 55 years are eligible to adopt a Waiting Child

·       Married for 2 years; if either parent was previously married, current marriage must be at least 5 years; no more than 2 previous marriages for either parent

·       Both parents are fully mentally and physically healthy, including Body Mass Index under 40, no medication for psychological conditions within the past 2 years, no chronic medical conditions that limit life expectancy, no significant mental health diagnosis, no history of substance abuse within the past 10 years.

·       Annual income exceeding $10,000 per family member, including child to be adopted (i.e. $30,000 for a couple adopting their first child)

·       Family’s net worth must exceed $80,000

·       Both parents have high school diploma or higher

·       Families with more than 4 children under 18 are not accepted; youngest child must be over 1 year old (Restriction does not apply to families adopting Waiting Children)

·       No criminal record or history of domestic violence, sexual abuse, or child abuse/neglect

·       One applicant must be a U.S. citizen

·      

Some of these requirements Dave and I could pass with our hands tied behind our backs. However, others would require more planning. For one, we would have to get married immediately. Due to Dave’s past marital status we would have to be married 5-years before starting the application. If he could possibly get his marriage annulled and I don’t think, “ I was really drunk at the reception” counts as grounds for an annulment, the minimum would be 2 years. In addition to this, it takes 3-years from the start of an application to receiving your child.  So we are all ready up to a 5-8 year wait.

Now, if we would start this process; we also have to pay $23,000, when finalized. While, they don’t expect you to pay up-front, you do need to come up with thousands of dollars at a time. I guess one positive of waiting 8-years is that you have time to save!

Then there are requirements that almost seem impossible, “Family’s net worth must exceed $80,000.” In 5-years could Dave and I’s net worth exceed $80,000? With a mortgage, school loans, credit card debt, and car payments, is it possible? I haven’t actually sat down and done the math, partially because I am too scared to look at those figures.

When I started researching the process, I didn’t expect to find myself seriously considering my financial situation. However, maybe this is the Chinese government’s intention. Should, anyone haphazardly decide to adopt or have a child? Maybe, some version of these requirements should be in place in the United States. Honestly, should just anyone be allowed to have a child? I understand what road that would lead us down. One filled with elitism and Whites. But truthfully, the criteria set by the Chinese government isn’t so insane. It shows an expectation of stability and as an adolescent mental health counselor, I know stability is what children thrive on. After consideration the Chinese government's requirements seem logical. 

Currently, I am sitting at Panera Bread. When I walked in the doors, I saw in the corner of the restaurant a White, married couple, with their Asian baby girl. They had that “we just returned from attending church” look. They appeared clean and crisp. I am the antithesis of them. I am a single, in-debt, tattooed, and agnostic. Could I ever clean up that much? Could Dave and I fake-out the Chinese government? I think we can and give one baby girl, a life full of Love, Fun, Creativity, and most importantly Stability. 

Miss Peanut Enjoys Communist Bowling

Last night David, Christi, Mark, and I went to the Midway Bowling Alley. Yes, this is the fabulous bowling alley with the world famous Spare Time Lounge. I have a romantic view of this lounge, I always imagine it swanky and full of men and women from the 1950s drinking martinis and smoking cigarettes. Like something out of a black and white movie. Well, the cigarettes are there, however the only people drinking are some Coors Light loving, Bush voting, Nascar fans. 

Eventually, I had to wonder into the Spare Time Lounge when alas, we had finished Dave's rum filled flask. I knew walking into the lounge,  I was going to stand out. I am no stranger to this feeling. I have spent my life living in the Tattooed Circus, traveling around in a van all summer, like a freak show on tour. But, as an adult, I am sometimes caught off guard by how much I seem to have maintained my Freak status, even when I am trying to be normal. 

While I may wear the perfect white and beige outfit to a baby shower, somehow by the time I leave, It is always clear that I am not like the other ladies in the room. I simply don't know how to present myself or more importantly don't want to present myself, as anything less than different.  

Despite all this, I was determined to ask for a beer in a, I know I am not at a microbrew house, manner and after noticing only Coors Light and Miller Light were on tap, I asked the bartender what type of bottled beer they served. She stated, "I have lots of bottles. What do you want?" 

This forced me to name a beer, instead of being able to pick one and after working for three years at a pub that served over 200 hundred beers, I doubted that her selection of 12 bottle beers and wine coolers, constituted as a lot.

Her attitude also caught me off guard and I thought, maybe outside of the world of The Spare Time Lounge, this woman is seen as ordinary and simple, but here in her lounge she is queen. She looked as if she was really attractive when she was a teenager, but as time passed, she hadn't changed her look and life kind of moved without her participating in it.  I wondered what she and her bar friends were talking about. It was clear I had intruded into her world and she had no patience for me.

However, despite all this I still wanted a good micro-brew. So, I thought fuck-it and asked her if she had any. This question made her face change and she looked at me like I asked her if she sold crack.  Thankfully, there was a  helpful, large, drunk man at the bar and he let me know they had, Yuengling. This was not pronounced correctly and came out in a kind of spit filled, southern accent. He said he was not from around here and he also loved microbrews. I enthusiastically recommended the Market Cross Pub, if he wanted a good brew. He laughed at me, and said, "Im just kidding doll, I drink Coors Light." 

I guess the joke was on me. I thanked him for his helpfulness and ordered a Heineken, my don't be a pain-in-the-ass at the dive bar, standby. 

Finally drinks secured and it was time to enjoy Communist Bowling. Since, during our first game, it was clear the Mark and Dave were much better bowlers than Christi and I, we decided to equalize the game! The men had to bowl left-handed and the women got to bowl as usual. Communism was alive and well at the Midway Bowling Center! We we're taking away the men's athletic fortunes. 

 The fascinating discovery was that after a few frames of Dave and Mark falling down, due to lifting the wrong leg as they released the ball from their left hands. They grew more capable as the game went on. By the end, they were throwing strikes and spares!  I was struck that possibly in life no matter what you do, you can't make things totally fare. Some people if simply given the chance to compete, are going to rise to the top. 

Makes one think about communism/socialism in general. If you can't take away individual drives, then how could you ever make everyone the same? Some individuals will always stand out and some individuals, like myself, despite what type of society is in place will always be a star in the freak show!